re-defining what is means to be a mom...

As some of you may know my ET went very bad.  Only one egg retrieved.  I was initially told that the egg was immature, later at my WTF appt. it was disclosed that my egg was dead :(

It has been a difficult few weeks, which is why I haven’t updated.  Throughout this process I have always considered DE from my sister.  With this last failed cycle she offered to be my donor!  Of course I have my reservations, but DH and I have been seriously considering this as an option. 

I’m truly heartbroken I have not been successful at this point with my OE’s, and would love to continue to cycle with my OE’s.  My RE is still very optimistic I will get knocked up using my eggs, it’s will be a difficult road, it may not happen with my next cycle, etc. 

I have been very tearful when thinking that I may never have a child using my OE’s that I will not be my baby’s biological mom, even if I carry the baby myself.  I am giving myself the time to re-define what it means to be a mother.  There are many definitions, I just need to open my mind and re-define it for myself!

While I would really want to give my body another shot at this, the idea of having another failed cycle scares the living crap out of me.  My chances with my sister’s eggs are so much higher.  Genetically she is very similar, and growing up everyone thought we were twins, (which I think is crazy, because I do not believe we look that alike). 

DH and I have decided to take a break.  I have one more cycle in our package and we will tentatively cycle in March, I’m just not sure if it will be mine or my sister’s egg’s, however I am leaning towards her eggs.