Roller Coaster

I hate that IF is a huge roller coaster! One day I am very optimistic, the next very pessimistic.

Last week my sister backed out. She has too many reservations and has decided not to be our egg donor. I am not going to lie this was a huge blow for me! I thought this was our answer to bring us our take home baby. I am not mad that she changed her mind, just heartbroken. Again, I am feeling like we are so far away from having a Mindy and Whistler baby. I feel that using my sister's eggs was the closest we were going to get. I will continue to be on a TTC break throughout the holidays, and will most likely give IVF one more try with my eggs in the spring. It has to work! I have no other option, but for it to work!!!

I have tried things that I never imagined I would try to help us achieve pregnancy. I take a sh!t load of supplements to improve egg quality, such as wheat grass, coq10, multivitamin, etc. I have been going to acupuncture. I find acupuncture surprisingly relaxing. I have tried reflexology, only once, I'm not sure if this one is for me. Most recently I had a Reiki session, and loved it! I have no idea if any of these alternative medicines will help us conceive, but I am willing to try anything, if it does not harm me in anyway. More than anything I have been trying to stay busy and not obsess, which is not an easy task!

Things I have been doing to try to keep my mind busy...

·  Meeting my nieces and nephew. In the last few weeks/months I have celebrated the birth of my sister’s son, and both of my SIL's daughters. They are all so different and beautiful. I pray every day Whistler and I will be able to experience this!

·  Applying for graduate school. I want to be a nurse practitioner, so I am taking steps for this dream to become a reality.

·  Working. I love my job; I love taking care of patients; there is nothing more fulfilling then watching a critically ill patient go from death's door step, to walking out the hospital doors, to enjoy life with their families.

·  Snowboarding! My favorite pastime. The resorts open this Thursday; I will be going up Monday with a few of my good friends!

I am not going to ever give up on my goal of being a mom! My next IVF will work!!!