Making the best of our situation

I need to stop being bitter and start enjoying life.  I have decided to start using my CBFM again and to stop stressing about the fact we are not able to do IVF at this time.  I even have a few vacations planed in the next few weeks I'm very excited about!  We will be going to Flaming Gorge to go boating in two weeks, and mid Aug. I'm going to the Bahamas’s for a wedding!!!  Although both vacations will be short, it will be worth every second :)    

DH has been working hard on sprucing up his resume, and becoming a better professional candidate for the job hunt.  He has set up his Linked in profile, started searching for jobs, and his resume rocks!!!  I continue to keep my fingers crossed he will find a employer that has IF insurance coverage.  If we do not luck out in that department I hope he is able to find a job that pays equal or more than what he was making at his prior employer. 

As I mentioned before I have been using the CBFM this month, it indicated I'm ovulating today and yesterday.  Which I'm super excited about because it is day 15 and 16 of my cycle, where as before I started IVF treatments I was ovulating on day 10.  I am going to take it as a good sign that I am ovulating a nice and fat, mature egg!  I am doing my best to keep the faith that I will get knocked up like a normal person! 

32 and an empty womb

I have turned 32 today.  I am not where I thought I would be at 32.  My dream for myself was to have a baby at 28 and another at 30.  I would be done and enjoying every moment raising them.

This morning I was laying in bed, imaging what it would be like if I had kids.  It would be amazing if they jumped into my bed to wish me a happy birthday with their home made gifts.  I know this dream will come true sometime in my life.  I will NEVER give up on the idea of being a mom.  I am working on letting go of my dream of having a child that I will have a genetic link to.  I will either move forward with DE or adoption. I am giving myself time to morn the loss of a child with a genetic link while DH is working on getting a job.

I love my DH more than anything, but I am starting to get a little bitter of the fact that he is not working and it is the reason we cannot cycle right now.  I know that my eggs are not suddenly that much worse then they were yesterday because I am a day/year older.  However, I feel that it is precious time we are losing as my ovaries are aging and they do not have much time left in them.