The Infertile and a Baby Shower

I have been to a lot of baby showers over the last 6 years. In the begging stages of TTC they gave me hope and something to look forward to.  For the last 4 years or so, they have been very hard for me to attend, but I do my best to put on my lipstick, and "fake it ‘till I make it."  Each baby shower is different, sometimes I hold it together, others I know it's obvious that I am having a hard time being there--I hate that I can't fake it that well. I know many infertiles steer clear of these events, send a gift and hope the person having the baby shower understands. For me, I go to the showers I want to be supportive to my friends and family who are now building their own.  I am truly happy for those who are able to build their family without spending thousands and thousands of dollars. However, inside, my heart is breaking, I do not understand why we were dealt these cards. I have mentioned in the past I do not believe "things happen for a reason." If I am wrong I hope I understand why we were dealt this crappy hand!! 

Today I am going to a baby shower for a good friend, one whom I have been friends since middle school.  I will go, put on my happy face and hope that if I cry I can play it off as happy tears.  I am grateful most of my friends drink, as I will be partaking in just enough alcohol that will help me feel warm and fuzzy, which will hopefully help me keep that smile on my face.

I can only keep faith that I'm in good hands at my infertility clinic.  I know I am in good hands, and I know they want us to be successful.  And one day I will be attending a baby shower for mine and Whistler's baby.