So Hard!!!

I wish people understood how hard it is to continue to try, and try, and try to get pregnant, when it's all you have ever wanted in your life is to be a mom. I never, ever thought ttc would be the most challenging thing I would have to face as an adult.  For me, this is so much harder than even experiencing the sudden loss of my older brother.  This statement is not to minimize others pain of family they have lost, it is how I feel. When we lost my brother 17 years ago, it was devastating to me, my family and especially my parents!  I cannot imagine my parent’s pain when this happened.  

I cannot explain why it's harder for me.  Maybe because it's not a typical loss.  It's a loss of a lifetime dream of being a mother. The dream of experiencing pregnancy with someone I love with all my heart.  It's a loss every.single.month when I start my period.  It's a loss I experience ever mother's day and father's day.  It's a loss every time someone posts an announcement on facebook, or instagram.  It's a loss every time I go to a baby shower.  It's everywhere!! 

I hope DH and I overcome this challenge in our lives. If there is a god out there that has some sort of influence on our lives, I hope he/she is listening and helps us become parents!! I am over this emotional roller-coaster. However, I know that I will never let go of our dream of being parents.  I hope our new plan is the answer and we get pregnant!