Wishing upon a star

I drove to Las Vegas this time round.  The drive was an amazing 6 hrs.  I had worked my 12 hr shift, left work and drove straight to my Aunt's house.  I arrived at 1 A.M Vegas time.  I had expected the drive to be painful, but it was just the opposite.  While driving I did not have the hot sun beating down on me or my car.  

I have decided that driving under the stars is 2nd best to sleeping under the stars.  I had the beautiful night sky, stars and the moon shining through my window.  I even saw a shooting star, which of course I made a wish on!!  I am holding onto my wish, I know my wish will come true.  Even though my monitoring appt. sucked.

Monday Morning I had my first monitoring appt.  It could have not been any worse!!!  I had no measurable follicles, only some small ones. I'm so pissed!!! I have cried and cried.  I just do not know why.  Why can't it be my turn???  The Dr. has given it a few days to see if anything starts to look promising. I have another u/s tomorrow, If my follicles do not show there face at the party I will be canceled. 

I want to blame DH for telling the DR. that we were tight on money, ultimately resulting in a less aggressive protocol. I know I shouldn't blame him, because in the end the physician said he didn't feel the more aggressive protocol was helpful with ivf #1. The dr. said that he still has the opinion the more aggressive would not have made an difference.  I have questioned the change in the protocol from the start.  I was very apprehensive, so much so I emailed my RE questioning the protocol and he assured me it wouldn't make a difference.   

To me, the Registered Nurse, is looking at it more simply I suppose.  The more aggressive protocol I made 2 follicles, the less aggressive protocol I have not made any. It seems clear to me the protocol MADE A DIFFERENCE!!!

I am holding onto my wish.  I can't help but quote the lyrics to one of my favorite songs.  "Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high, and the dreams that you dreamed of, Once in a lullaby.  Oh, somewhere over the rainbow, blue birds fly, and the dreams that you dreamed of, Dreams really do come true"