ET drama and a much needed update (long)

I have to first say I love my family!  My sister and her family moved 2 hrs away from LV.  I have seen her and her kids and her DH multiple times since I have been here for my IVF.  I actually went furniture shopping with her--it was painful, but it was fun spending time with her like the old days when we only lived miles apart.  I had forgotten how much I miss her company.

I am staying with my Aunt and her DH again.  I love that they make DH and I feel like we are at home!  I can only imagine how much money we are saving staying with family vs. a hotel/motel.  If my Aunt did not live in LV the closest family to LV would be my sister, the next closest is four hrs away--not that far of a drive, but gas prices are ridiculous!  Gas alone would break the bank. 

Lastly, I love, love, love seeing my cousins and their kids.  These specific cousins did not live in SLC when we were growing up, and I am finally a getting to know them and I am getting to know them well.

One of my cousin's graciously offered donating her eggs to us if this cycle does not work.  I feel that her offer is genuine and it is something DH and I would highly consider, she said she would commute to SL if we decided not to cycle in LV again.  I of course have reservations, especially because of my sister ED drama, but I am happy to have that as an option.

Now here is my ET drama.  We had two follicles, both eggs were retrieved; one was mature and fertilized normally with ICSI.  At first I was not sure if I should've been disappointed or grateful.  I went with grateful we only At this very moment I will go with grateful, because this has been better than my last two cycles. 

Well, the initial plan was to do a 5dt with Dr. Sher since my RE was going oot. Yesterday my RE called and said Dr. Sher had an emergency and will not be available to do our 5dt.  This caused a lot of unneeded stress on my end.  Dr. Fisch sold us on the 5dt, although we only have one embryo.  He explained that 5dt gives more information regarding a failed cycle, such as embryo issues, implantation, and/or immulogic issue.  I know that I want this information even/especially if we do not cycle with our own eggs again.  I would hate to throw more money toward IF treatments if there are other issues that need to be addressed.

Anyway, I was given the option to go in today for a 2dt or wait for a 5 day report, see if the embryo makes it to blast, freeze our embryo and do a FET later. There are pro's and cons to both situations; if we decided to do a FET we would risk our embryo not making it through a thaw.  If we decided to do a 2dt we would not know as much regarding our embryo and quality.  So we decided to do a fresh 2dt, went in and spoke with our RE he looked at our embryo--two cell (should be btwn two and four cells).  We were able to see a pic of our cute embryo.  He said that he and Dr. Sher worked out their schedules and there will be someone to do the transfer Tues.  I am so relieved, I feel so much better about having a 5dt!

I’m keeping my fingers crossed we have one amazing embryo!  I'm very nervous I am going home with an empty ute.  Please pray/send vibes my embryo makes it to transfer.

Happily Ever After?

One of my BFF's and I always joke about our Happily Ever Afters.  She has been determined to find a man, marry him on a beach while I am there as her Matron of honor, barefoot and pregnant.  Things are working out beautifully for her.  I am ecstatic she has met an amazing man, who treats her like a princess! 

It seems, on the other hand that I may not end up with my happily ever after.  My ultrasound on Monday showed three small follicles, I went in today for my second check and only one of those three has shown growth, but only a little growth. 

I will stim for a few more days and go in again on Sat. for u/s #3.  If the follicle grows I will have my retrieval on Thurs next week, if not I am canceled.  I'm at a loss.  I'm so tired of this rollercoaster.  Why can't I just get knocked the fuck up?  I haven’t done anything to deserve this.  Please pray/send vibes that I have strength to get through this, and I will also end up with my happily ever after. 

The planets and stars may not be perfectly aligned, but I'm feeling lucky :)

I caught a bug and I was super sick Wed. with a fever and achy body. I felt like shit balls. I went to the local urgent care, they suspect I have the flu, but did not test me for it since I was immunized early in the season he didn't feel tamaflu would be helpful. The MD felt it wasn't necessary to do any testing because he did not feel it was safe treating me with meds since I am stimming for IVF.

I was very annoyed! I spent all that money when I could have told myself the same info. The least they could have administered me a liter of IV fluid since I was dehydrated. I called my RE; they gave me the ok to take Tylenol cold and flu which was my life saver. I'm so happy that I’m a nurse with hook-up's. I was able to have a friend administer a liter of IV fluids. I'm so happy to report I’m on the mend now, and feeling much better.

All in time for my upcoming u/s this Monday. I have realized during myself imposed break that things will never be perfect. I may not be in perfect health. DH is getting laid off. My FIL has moved in because he is out of work. Yet I am very optimistic. I feel that even though the planets and stars are not aligned. Things in our life are not perfect; I'm in a good place mentally. DH and I are in an amazing place as a couple. Things just seem to be right. Which is the reason I know I'm going to be knocked the eff up with this IVF :)

Today "I got my nails did" to help celebrate. It doesn't hurt to have a little extra luck on my side either.

R.I.P Baby Bertha aka Bertha the Battle Cat

Last Thursday we had to put our sweet cat Bertha to sleep. DH liked to call her Bertha the Battle Cat.  I called her Baby Bertha. She lived for an amazing 19 years.

I love both of these pics. The Pic on the left she was attempting to reach her cat treats. The one on the right I was working on my bachelors in Nursing. I believe I was working on a paper in our home office and she was keeping me company!

We will miss her forever!

Last BCP :)

I took my last BCP today. My IVF is getting closer and closer! I am so optimistic about this cycle. I cannot wait to get this show on the road!!  In a few days AF will arrive and it will be the last time I see for a very, very long time.  She will no longer be welcome in our house.  Baseline u/s is on Monday 3/5!  Hooray :)

Obligatory Med pic :)

This is what $9k of fertility drugs look like! I took two separate pics for your viewing pleasure.

Thanks to everyone who donated meds which helped to make this possible for us :)

The countdown has begun...

The last few months I have been doing my very best distracting myself from most things IF. I studied for and took the GRE, applied for a Nurse Practitoner Program. Now that my NP application has been submitted, I am pulling out all my other distraction tools. I have been working out. I have found that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE kickboxing. Who knew punching and kicking a bag would give one so much satisfaction? I imagine watching myself--I know I look ridiculous, I laugh at myself half the time I'm there and I get an awesome workout! I've been snowboarding a few times this season, but the snow has really sucked. I have become a snobby rider. If the weather is less than ideal, or there hasn't been recent snowfall I have no desire to go.

I start lupron this Friday, Estrogen priming on 3/6 and stims on 3/12!!! I cannot believe I am on the countdown for IVF# 3! Our third and final IVF with my OE's! I have so much excitement, optimism, and anxiety all at the same time. I have been doing my best being positive for this cycle! I have been going to acupuncture, reiki, I know that working out has really helped my attitude and I have pulled out my IF meditation mp3's. I have the best husband, friends and parents supporting me. It is amazing the support I have. Although my DH is a pessimist he is working on being positive for this upcoming cycle for me :)

This protocol is the same as my first protocol, but my stims are more aggressive. The most aggressive the clinic, possibly any clinic would use. Sit down... I will be on 750 units of follistim a night. I pray, pray, pray that this does the trick and brings us our sticky baby!!! I am keeping my fingers crossed I will have two or three follicles; I would be ecstatic for more. However, it is not the number that is important to us. We are looking for QUALITY. I am so excited to get this party started. In one month from now I will be in Las Vegas soaking in the sun, while my ovaries work overtime to bring me and DH our baby :)

I am so excited my parents are driving down with me for support. I will stay with my Aunt and her DH again. My parents will stay in a nearby hotel and they will be there for the first couple days until DH arrives for ER and ET. It is so hard to be there without a shoulder to cry on or have anyone there to jump for joy with. My Aunt is an amazing support, but it will be nice to have my parents as well.

The icing on top is the end of my stay I will meet one of my fellow bumpies who will be there for a short getaway!!! I feel so good about this cycle. I hope nothing takes that away from me :)