Transfer Day… Overwhelming Love and Support

Yesterday was a BIG DAY.  

The perfect day.  

Much like our wedding day.  

Overcast in the morning, rain in the afternoon, and the sun came out in the evening for a wonderful celebration!! 

I took the day off from work, because I knew that I would be worthless.  There was no way I’d be able to concentrate on work.  So I spent much of my day mentally prepping for the transfer.  I spent a good portion of my morning reading positive text messages, emails, and Facebook posts on my behalf from my IF sisters, friends and family. 

TMI warning- I was in much need for a wax, so I rescheduled my apt at the end of the month and took care of my legs and unmentionables.  Went to the grocery store and bought several different nail polishes and created my first masterpiece. LOL

W got ready.  He look so good. Suit Jacket, with new Levi’s and his Kango hat, me the nicest yoga pants I own and a niceish blouse, wearing all my lucky charms, and lucky Water cup in hand! Then it was time.  Our 35 minute drive to the clinic.  Once we got there I had my pre-transfer acupuncture treatment. And then our transfer.

Dr. G came into the room, and she gave us our embryo report, asked if we would like to transfer one or two embryos.  She is a HUGE Proponent for elective single embryo transfers (eSet).  She discussed the risks of transferring two.  I looked up at W and said “are you still okay if we transfer two?” He said yes! 

This is a very personal decision!!  There are pros and cons to both transferring one vs two embryos.  In the future I will write about the pros and cons and why we made the decision that we did.  But that is a different conversation. 

We transferred two beautiful embryos high quality embryos (graded AA and AB). 

After the transfer, then comes the hard part.  Laying in place for 20 minutes with a FULL BLADDER.  It is the worst.  I just lay there and hope that I do not pee myself before the 20 minutes are up. 

For those curious, I did not have an accident.  For me, it’s the worst part of the embryo transfer!!

After all was said and done I had my post-transfer acupuncture.  It was amazing.  I had W pull up the song we played as I walked down the aisle at our Wedding (Cannon in D).  I absolutely love that song.  We talked and spent this time enjoying each other’s company.  It was such an amazing day.  

My acupuncturist asked us how long we have been married, because she through we acted like newlyweds.  That is such a compliment considering we were married in 2003. 

The staff at my clinic is amazing.  They are all rooting for us.  My RE and donor coordinator both said that it’s our turn and we have a really good shot at this working.   

W made me a cup of caffeine-free mint tea when the acupuncture treatment was over, for the ride home.  I had my discharge teaching.

We left the clinic drove home in evening traffic.  

What did we return home to?? 

My parents and my Uncle M were here.  My house was cleaned, lawn mowed and dinner ready.  With a beautiful bouquet my sister had sent to my house.  They wanted to make sure that I lay on the couch all weekend worry free, allowing your embryos the prefect chance to snuggle in for the next 9 months!!

This was the perfect ending to the perfect day!! 

Anxiety Setting In… Reminders Everywhere That I Am Not Alone

The Ups and Downs of cycling are moment by moment.  I wish I could articulate the emotions I’m feeling.  Yesterday was amazing, so much love and support!  I logged into my Facebook page to find the above picture sent me from my beautiful sister and her family!! There are no words to express how happy this made me feel.  Overwhelming love! 

This love has bled into today.  I needed this love and support today.  Fertilization report day.  This is an overwhelming, very stressful day.  I was glued to my phone.  This was not a phone call I was willing to miss.  How many eggs were mature?  How many fertilized?  Will I be pleased?  Will I have good news to share with my husband, my family and friends? 

Today, A BIG DAY.

At 9:46 AM my phone rang.  Embryologist on the other end introduced himself and graciously told me the numbers. 

26 eggs mature

21 fertilized

We have 21 precious embryos. 

One, maybe two will one day be in our arms.  Our Babies!

And then PTSD began to set in.  Only 26 out of 44 were mature?  How can that be?  I was expecting a higher percentage of mature eggs.  The ironic thing is, when I cycled with my own eggs, my ideal number of embryos has always been 5. A very good friend reminded of me of this today.  As of this morning we have 4 times my “ideal” number.

We have 21 embies, growing and thriving.  Logically I know it’s ridiculous to be disappointed with 21.  I kept going back to our previous donor egg cycle.  We had a large number of embryos to start with and when all was said and done, we were only left with one embryo suitable for transfer.

After being talked off the ledge from my Infertility sisters, I talked with my donor coordinator and she provided me with some prospective of “normal” Donor Egg cycles.  Our last cycle was not normal.  We were dealing with an additional factor that can make or break a cycle.  Balanced Translocation.  We have removed this factor.  We do not have to worry about this time. 

Another friend was able to help me understand that what I was feeling is not completely abnormal.  She said that I have every reason to be scared after everything I've been through.  I will continue to be nervous until they put that baby/babies in my arms. She said that she was sorry that I have been robbed of the carefree "let's make a baby" that other couples get. 

She is absolutely right, and is exactly what I needed to hear.  I have so much support from my friends, family and husband. 

I know everything is going to be alright.

Even when I’m being irrational, I am not alone.

You are not alone!!

1 in 8, Supported by Many

Today is a perfect example of feeling love from amazing, supportive, hopeful women that are also in the midst of infertility. 

Many of these women have found success after infertility, but the pain of infertility never goes away.  I have seen it sneak into these women’s lives even after they have birthed children.  And many of my dear friends are still in the trenches.  These are women I have “known” for years.  Many of which I have never met in real life, and yet they are my sisters.  It’s a community of women that I have seen come together in times of need, loss, love, good times and bad, supporting each other in so many ways.  It is absolutely amazing what we can do as a group of women, even though we are from different worlds, cultures, generations, States, Countries and we have never met.

Infertility is a rollercoaster.  One that I wish that no one would ever have to get on.  At times it is has been isolating, lonely, and is a result of the lowest times I’ve ever had in my life.  I know that I have said this before.  Hands down Infertility has been the greatest struggle I have ever had to endure.  My mental health, at times, has never been lower.  This includes the loss of my older brother, which was devastating. 

Today is a prime example that I am not alone. 

You Are Not Alone

Through all our struggles I have had a place to turn.  A place to vent, cry and celebrate.  With my sisters!!

My phone today has been getting blown up.  Texts, emails, calls.  It’s awesome.  It kind of reminds me of the late 90’s and carrying a pager.  Receiving page after page to learn where the next best party was going to take place :)  This is SO MUCH BETTER!!!

On the various, secret Facebook pages and public online infertility forums I’m a member of were also full of love, and support.  It is incredible. Wishing us luck and asking about my donor’s egg retrieval, sending love to our egg donor, that she has a smooth recovery, asking if I have heard any news of how many eggs have been retrieved.

   

For those anxiously waiting for me to spit it out, I did hear an update on my donor’s retrieval.  Are you all ready for this?  Drum roll please…….

Forty-four eggs

That is right Forty-four eggs have been retrieved

That is twenty-two times better than my “best cycle” with my own eggs

I have had all my girls by my side rooting for me, us, and our future children. 

Thank You!!

Today I am not alone

Others still battling with infertility, no matter where you are on the infertility spectrum, never forget..

You are not alone.

You are 1 in 8, supported by so many!

~~~HCG/Lupron Trigger~~~

Where has the time gone?  Life has been so busy that I have failed to continue to update throughout this cycle. This cycle feels so much different than my previous ones.  I'm in a better place.  That does not mean I haven't had moments of irrational thoughts; I know anxiety and being irrational at times is inevitable when you have been through what we have been through!!

For those that are interested here are the cliff notes of this cycle:

3/30: DH and I returned home from a much needed vacation in Las Vegas I earned/won at work. 

The picture I chose for this post is from our trip.  I chose this picture, not because infertility treatment are a gamble, but because we will be on the right side of the odds this time!! 

3/31:  My Baseline Ultrasound.  I was properly suppressed (no ovarian cysts and a thin lining).

4/6:  My Egg Donors Baseline

4/10: My endometrial lining check.  It measured at a 9.6 mm and triple striped.  

The clinic was aiming for anything greater than 7 mm.  I am sure I have an soft, comfy, amazing endometrial mattress for my embies to rest for the next 9 months <3

4/14-4/17: Donor follicle scan updates.  Her follicles count has ranged from 31 to 35.  I received the call yesterday they were going to have her trigger with Lupron and HCG.  

What is a trigger and why is it important? 

The trigger shot is the last step in the maturation process of follicle (egg) development.  36 hours after the trigger shot, the the doctor will retrieve her eggs.  The retrieval is very time sensitive, if ovulation occurs before egg retrieval the physician will not be able to retrieve her eggs.     

Which brings us to tomorrow, Sunday 4/19/2015.  

The 1st day of National Infertility Awareness Week

Egg Retrieval Day  

Our donor's eggs will be retrieved.  I will head to the clinic in the afternoon for my Neupogen uterine wash.  The Neupogen has been shown to help those with a history of miscarriage and implantation failure.  At that time I will learn how many eggs have been retrieved.

4/20: I will get our fertilization report

4/22:  Day three embryo report.  This will tell us how many of our embryos are thriving and the embryo grades that day

4/24: THE BIG DAY-  Embryo Transfer Day.  

I cannot think of a better day to have my egg donor's retrieval.  The 1st day of NIAW. There is not a better week to have our embryo transfer!!  If there is such a thing as a sign or good luck, this is it!!

I am getting excited.  W is also getting excited.  I love Please send all the positive vibes, prayers, thoughts, etc. our way, as they are very much appreciated!!    

We are going to BEAT Infertility.  It will not beat us!!

Back in the Stirrups Again

Is it this a possible to be excitingly nervous?  

This is how I have felt since the middle of last month when I learned things were being pushed forward.  After an amazing extended weekend/free vacation with Whis in Las Vegas that I earned at work, we returned home Monday evening.  Tuesday morning, wearing a pair of my "lucky socks" I had a date with the vaj-cam (transvaginal ultrasound).  

My RE walked into the room and she complemented me on the socks  :)  I mentioned they were my lucky socks.  She asked if that meant I that I will not taking them off until my BFP.  Haha.  Something I never considered.  I assure everyone, I do and will continue to change the socks Every.Single.Day.  I have several pairs of lucky socks and will wear a different pair at each of my u/s appointments.  

The baseline ultrasound went well and I was given the green light to start delestrogen.  

I still cannot believe I'm cycling again.  All the consents have been signed, acupuncture scheduled, and financing has been worked out, at least for the most part.  

Monday, April 6th is a BIG DAY. 

Our Egg Donor's baseline.  

I too will go into the clinic.  I have to have my estrogen level checked.  I will give the clinic our consent forms and pay for the cycle.

I am hopefully optimistic.  At least for now.