The Ups and Downs of cycling are moment by moment. I wish I could articulate the emotions I’m
feeling. Yesterday was amazing, so much
love and support! I logged into my
Facebook page to find the above picture sent me from my beautiful sister and
her family!! There are no words to express how happy this made me feel. Overwhelming love!
This love has bled into today. I needed this love and support today. Fertilization report day. This is an overwhelming, very stressful
day. I was glued to my phone. This was not a phone call I was willing to
miss. How many eggs were mature? How many fertilized? Will I be pleased? Will I have good news to share with my
husband, my family and friends?
Today, A BIG DAY.
At 9:46 AM my phone rang.
Embryologist on the other end introduced himself and graciously told me
the numbers.
26 eggs mature
21 fertilized
We have 21 precious embryos.
One, maybe two will one day be in our arms. Our Babies!
And then PTSD began to set in. Only 26 out of 44 were mature? How can that be? I was expecting a higher percentage of mature
eggs. The ironic thing is, when I cycled
with my own eggs, my ideal number of embryos has always been 5. A very good
friend reminded of me of this today. As
of this morning we have 4 times my “ideal” number.
We have 21 embies, growing
and thriving. Logically I know it’s ridiculous to be disappointed with
21. I kept going back to our previous donor
egg cycle. We had a large number of
embryos to start with and when all was said and done, we were only left with one
embryo suitable for transfer.
After being talked off the ledge from my Infertility
sisters, I talked with my donor coordinator and she provided me with some
prospective of “normal” Donor Egg cycles.
Our last cycle was not normal. We
were dealing with an additional factor that can make or break a cycle. Balanced Translocation. We have removed this factor. We do not have to worry about this time.
Another friend was able to help me understand that what I
was feeling is not completely abnormal.
She said that I have every reason to be scared after everything I've
been through. I will continue to be
nervous until they put that baby/babies in my arms. She said that she was sorry
that I have been robbed of the carefree "let's make a baby" that
other couples get.
She is absolutely right, and is exactly what I needed to
hear. I have so much support from my friends, family and
husband.
I know everything is going to be alright.
Even when I’m being irrational, I am not alone.
You are not alone!!
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