I have turned 32 today. I am not where I thought I would be at 32. My dream for myself was to have a baby at 28 and another at 30. I would be done and enjoying every moment raising them.
This morning I was laying in bed, imaging what it would be like if I had kids. It would be amazing if they jumped into my bed to wish me a happy birthday with their home made gifts. I know this dream will come true sometime in my life. I will NEVER give up on the idea of being a mom. I am working on letting go of my dream of having a child that I will have a genetic link to. I will either move forward with DE or adoption. I am giving myself time to morn the loss of a child with a genetic link while DH is working on getting a job.
I love my DH more than anything, but I am starting to get a little bitter of the fact that he is not working and it is the reason we cannot cycle right now. I know that my eggs are not suddenly that much worse then they were yesterday because I am a day/year older. However, I feel that it is precious time we are losing as my ovaries are aging and they do not have much time left in them.
((hugs))
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