The infertile infertile

The infertile infertile.  That is how I feel these days.  Why can't we have babies like normal people? Why do we have to endure so much heartache? Were we not meant to have children?  I'm not sure if either of us could have kids if we were with other people without any reproductive challenges.  The thing is, I do not believe things happen for a reason.  I have not believed this for a really long time.  Kids born to shitty parents did not happen for a reason, it's just because shitty things happen sometimes!

We are infertile infertiles.  We cannot get knocked up with IVF or DE. Will DS and my eggs be the answer? Are we just throwing away more money?  Should we skip the DS IVF and do a DS/DE cycle?  We are young, we are successful, we are generally healthy and yet we can't do something normal, healthy, young people should be able to do.  I feel helpless and alone. I wish someone could tell us the answers and say they knew how to help us.  If I count all the cycles we have started, we are moving onto IVF #6.  I never thought it was going to be this hard.  

Yet another diagnosis

It's confirmed, I have endometriosis. The good news is it's only mild, it's not on my ovaries, therefore not the cause of my DOR. The bad news is DH said (in his mind), it further confirms all our failed cycles are his fault. It makes me cry that he thinks it's his fault. 

I have tried to explain this to him.  I tried to explain that endo causes implantation failure regardless of the stage. He will not hear it.  He thinks all our failure to this point are his fault.  This crushes me.  He is not the only one with infertility.  It is both of us.  I have several diagnoses, including borderline NK cells.  All of these factors have led to us being unsuccessful. It's not just him and it's not just me. We will beat this!  We will slap IF in the face!!  

We will follow up a week from tomorrow and talk about our next steps.  I emailed my RE a protocol I'd like to try since it's looking like we are going to use my eggs.  She thanked me for emailing her this protocol. She seems open to trying it. I will know for sure at the follow up.