I love being an Aunt. I'm so happy for my siblings and sibling-in -laws, that they are blessed to be able to raise, beautiful, amazing, intelligent children. W is so great with our nieces and nephews. He is an amazing uncle, he put's together their toys when given the chance, he plays with them, and he is patient with them. I wish more than anything that I will have the chance to experience parenthood with this man.
While on our TTC break I learned about a very unique donor. I was immediately drawn to her profile. She has cycled a total of four times, all four cycles have resulted in pregnancies. Her cycles yield an unbelievable number of high quality embryos (40+). It was a plus she and I have a lot of similarities, such as ancestry, and physical attributes. When I learned about this donor I immediately secured her for a cycle in March.
Since March is just around the corner I sent a few emails to the donor coordinator to get an idea of the timing for the upcoming cycle. Since I was not getting a response I called and left her a voice mail to call me back. That evening, Thursday January 22, 2015 at 6:19 pm the phone rang. Anxiously I answered, and shortly into the call she told me the donor "got a little sick" her last cycle so she will not be donating for a while and may not donate again in the future. I cannot believe it. I am emotionally invested in this donor. She's perfect, I know we would have found success using her eggs.
I wish I could articulate the steps one takes emotionally to get to a point to move forward with donor eggs, the loss, the acceptance, and then finding the right match. And now I have to start over. I have
cried and cried about this recent set-back. I hope to find a new donor that I feel as confident with,
as I did the last donor.
This makes me question everything. Why can we not catch a break? Is this a bad joke God is playing on us? Is there a God? Are we not supposed to have children?
Will I always be an Aunt and not a mother?
