2WW Hell

Today is 3dp3dt.  I can't help but let my mind play tricks on me.  1dp3dt I had a little pink spotting.  I freaked out a bit, even though my discharge papers and the RE told me it is very common to have spotting.

Yesterday 2dp3dt I had some cramping, and twinges.  I thought that it was awesome maybe implantation is taking place.   I will have my happy ending after all.

Today I feel nothing.  No cramping, no spotting, just pure nothingness.  I really hope its a good sign, but seriously, this is the worst feeling ever.  I want to feel like something is happening.

DH has been super cute.  He has been waiting on me hand and foot.  I have seriously been the biggest couch potato.  Maybe I will unpack our suitcases today from our boring, but eventful Vegas trip to keep my mind off of things.

I need to remember that WE will have OUR happy ending and DH will find out very soon that we are expecting!!!

Knocked up until proven otherwise

We transferred both embryos.  One is a grade 2, 8 cell embryo with a ges score of 95 (the clinic prefers a ges score >70), the other is a grade 2, 7 cell embryo with a ges score of 35.

We are very excited we have made it this far!  Now the dreaded 2WW.   I'm not sure if it will be worse on me or DH.  Stick little embies stick, snuggle in nice and tight!!! 

I wore my lucky socks that my friend Vanessagorc sent me, and I had my lucky turtle charm in hand that Bear gave me before I headed to Las Vegas :) 

Here are our embies

Hooray for two!!!!

Two embies!!!  

I cannot believe it.  Both eggs fertilized normally!!!  I am beyond ecstatic.  

Who knew I would be so excited for two embies?  Now I'm keeping the faith they will both make it until Friday for our three day transfer. 

DH has had a huge smile on his face all day.  I can't believe how excited this had made both of us. 

Grow embies, grow, keep fighting, stay strong and make it to transfer on Friday!!!

Home from ER

DH makes me laugh so hard.  Every time we have gone in for an iui he has updated his FB status as "it's magic time."  Well today he updated it as "so it's magic time and they let me film some of the procedure." with this link.  It is so effing funny.  


So they retrieved two eggs. There was a third that they were unable to retrieve.

The Dr. will call tomorrow with my fert report.  I'm trying to stay hopeful the two retrieved fertilize normally and become my miracle baby(s).

Please send positive vibes that we have two rockstars!  

Rock Star Follicle

Yesterday I had my 4^th monitoring appt.  The Follicle on the Left was 20mm :)

The two on the right have not grown, so one follie was still 10mm, the other 12mm.  The MD felt we needed to move forward, so they had me trigger last night.  Tomorrow I will go in for my ER.  

I am still holding out hope the smaller follicles will surprise us and they will be mature, if not I will have one rock star.  Either way I have a good feeling the fatty follicle on the right will be A+ quality :)

Power of positive thought & monitoring apt# 2

The other night I watched The Secret with my Aunt Lori Gayle and her husband Michael.  This is a film/documentary discusses the Power of optimism, using the “law of attraction.”  My understanding is you place a thought in your mind of something you want to happen to you, such as being a millionaire, and if you like positively about it, you will “attract it” and it will come to you.  On the other had, if you have negative feelings toward something the “law of attraction” will bring those negative things into your life, such as “I will never…” or “I can’t…”   

So, I will do my very best to remain positive from this day forward.  I KNOW deep in my heart I will be a mom.  I will get knocked up with my OE!!!

Today’s u/s…My lining is perfect. I have 2 follies on the right ovary which are less than 10 mm (they have not grown since Monday). The Dr. does not think they will catch up. My Left ovary has one follicle that is 14mm (the only potential egg). At this point my cycle will not be canceled, so we are moving forward and I have another u/s on Sat.  ER is tentatively scheduled for Monday or Tues. I’m excited for my one miracle, rock star follicle, and I am hoping for a huge miracle that the smaller ones will catch up :)

Viva Las Vegas and my u/s

I arrived in Las Vegas last night.  I have already had an amazing time hanging out with my awesome Aunt Lori Gail.  She is an amazing person and I am so happy I have this time I can spend with her while going through this horrible IVF process.  We were able to lay out at the pool today after my u/s and catch up.

As for my u/s, my lining is 10.5.  My right ovary has 2 follies, which are both less than 10 mm. My Left ovary has 1 follicle that is about 9 mm's and a few small ones follicles hanging out around 5 mm's. I will stim for a few more days, and then I will have another u/s Thurs. This is not the best news.  I was hoping for few more follies, but things are coming along slowly.

I need to remind myself that is not the quantity of follicles, but the quality.  Many women have successful pregnancies with only a few eggs!  It only takes one!!!  As one of my bump friends has said we will fall 100% into the 25-30% success rate category for DOR :)

Medication protocol and stimulants

I am on the agonist/antagonist conversion protocol with estrogen priming. I have been on the stim phase for 3 days now. I have been comparing the way I feel to my last iui with injectables. I know I shouldn't but I have.

When I was on the follistim injections my ovaries ached, and so far nothing.  No pain!! I hope this is a good sign. I don't want to read into it too much, I hope my little ovaries are being little work horses. Oh well, only time will tell.

Sunday I fly out to Vegas for a u/s to see how my ovaries are responding. I will just have to keep my fingers crossed until then.

Meds

I just want to share this picture of my IVF medications.  This is hopefully what it will take for DH and I to have a little one(s)

Financing

DH and I had a few options we were looking into for financing IVF unsecured personal loans, credit cards, etc.

On March 22, 2011 I went into my credit union to inquire about a personal loan. The loan officer stated that we would not be able to borrow more than $10K (which I was expecting).She also stated that our minimum interest rate would be around 13.6%.I was expecting a high interest rate, especially since I was asking about an unsecured loan, but I was not expecting it to be that high.

I told her that 13.6% would not work for us, since we had a credit card with a rate of 12.8%.When I was about to leave, she started to get creative. She remembered that our car loans were through them. She pulled our file, looked up the value of are cars and compared them to what we owed. Between the two vehicles we had $18K “equity.”

So we consolidated the two loans and we’re pulling the equity out of our vehicles. It will be a 4 yr loan, and our total car payments will be less than what we are paying now, with an interest rate of 3.14%.I didn’t even know you could pull equity out of your vehicles. The best part is this gives us enough to pay for our IVF! We closed on our loan Monday March 28th.Hooray!!!

Yet another RE consult

After exploring our options and learning about a website http://www.sart.org/ I found that Utah just does not have the experience with DOR women. I learned from the ladies on the Bump that SIRM (Las Vegas) and also CCRM (in Denver) had high success rates for IVF and also with DOR.

I figured WTH I'm getting consults. I scheduled my consult with CCRM first, but I took 6 weeks to get a phone consultation with them. SIRM in Las Vegas I had my consult within a week of calling.

DH came home early from work to sit in on our consult. At that time he was not feeling any optimism that I we should get any different information than what we received form the clinics here in Utah.

Our consult went very well. Dr. Fisch was very optimistic. He stated that since I was young he felt that I had a very good chance (25-30%) he could help us get pregnant. He was not as concerned about my lab values or my AFC. He said that those numbers just tell him how much "gas" he needs to give to help stimulate my ovaries in making eggs. He said it would not be easy, but he could help us.  

After our phone consult with SIRM, DH stated that his mind had completely changed regarding IVF. Prior to our appt he was leaning toward IVF using my sister’s eggs or adoption. He now felt that trying IVF with my OE was worth the try.

After my consult with SIRM DH and I felt very good about canceling our consult with CCRM and moving forward with IVF in Las Vegas.

New RE

DH and I set up a consult with the new RE. I like his bedside manner, but he was not very optimistic he could help us. He suggested trying another IUI with Femara and injectables. At that time he also suggested I have my AMH and FSH redrawn, and in June of 2010 we had IUI#2. Again we got a BFN. 

At our WTF I found out that my AMH had dropped to <0.08 and my FSH was 14. Not only was I not pregnant, my ovarian reserve had faded to almost nothing. We couldn't believe it. He suggested moving forward with IVF, but paying 100% out of pocket and the funds were just not there. The RE was optimistic that I had a sister and suggested that she donate her eggs to me. 

I like his idea of getting a DE form my sister, but the timing was just not right for either one of us.

IF Message boards

After my first failed IUI I felt there had to be more resources out there, but I wasn't sure where to find them. One of my days of obsessing, I was online and I ran across an IF message board. I posted my story and asked a few questions. I was amazed at all the information the ladies were able to provide.


I learned that clomid is not the first choice of treatment for DOR, and although I have DOR with the right RE I should be able to get knocked up. So I looked into other RE in our area and found that there was another clinic not too far from where I live.

First RE APPT

My first RE appt. I received news that I wasn't expecting. I had a u/s and he was looking at my AFC, and he said "how old are you?" I replied 29. "You do not have very many eggs." I was shocked! Really I am only 29, I have to have eggs!?   He suggested more blood work, including my AMH (ovarian reserve) and a repeat FSH. My AMH came back at 0.5 (anything over 1.0 is normal). My FSH came back at 15.1 (normal= <9). I was in complete shock. I did as much research online research as possible, which only made me feel more loss.

At that time he suggested I trying an iui. So on Dec. 24th 2009 IUI #1 was completed. Two weeks later I POAS and I saw a stark white pee stick. I was devastated. Although I did not have a ton of hope, I did wish for more than anything to get my BFP, but it just wasn't our luck.

At my WTF appt (appt abt why the iui did not work) the Re suggested DE. I was so mad. Really DE?  I am 29 years old; I have to have an egg that will support a pregnancy. I told him that DE was not an option and I wanted to continue to try with my own eggs. So our plan was to attempt another iui.  When I went to for my u/s for iui #2 I had already ovulated. I was only on day 11 of my cycle. At that time the RE stated that I should just save my money and come back when we were ready for IVF. He highly recommended DE. He sent me on my way with a yrs RX of clomid. This was not o.k. with me.

Up to speed

 
Our story is a long one, but I do not want to leave out any details. I will break up the posts hopefully making it easier to read.

I DH and I met right before I graduated high school. We started seriously dating in 2000, and we married in June of 2003. I went to nursing school and graduated with an Associate of Applied Science in 2006. In 2007 I went on and graduated with my Bachelorette in Science in Nursing. 

At this time DH and I felt it would be a good time to TTC. It should be easy right?  I have come from a very fertile family.   I have no idea why, but after a few months I felt that something was not right. I went to my OB she ran some simple blood tests, everything checked out o.k. But it didn't make sense to me why it wasn't happening. 

So I waited a year, and still nothing. I had an HSG, more b/w and DH's S/A checked, everything seemed to be normal. My OB started me on clomid, but after a few months still nothing. I called my OB to ask a few questions, her medical assistant called me back with a snarky reply from my OB saying if I didn't trust her course of action and if I wanted to know more information I should go see a RE. So I did, and I also changed my OB as well